Parenting: The Rules for Making Rules

1. Make rules clear and consistent. If you're inconsistent about applying a rule, your child will be confused whether it's really a rule.

2. Give the reason for the rule. Children who hear reasons for rules are able to make the connection between the rule and the misbehavior" "I shouldn't do that because (whatever reason you gave)." Over time, this thought process allows your child to incorporate the rule into her own set of values, consider other applications for the rule, and eventually comply with the rule even when no one is looking. Children who don't hear reasons for rules tend to draw one conclusion: "I shouldn't do that because I'll get in trouble."

3. Help kids follow your rules. Prompt a child before an event where a rule usually gets broken. "What's our rule about begging for toys at the store? And what will happen if you break our rule?" Notice the absence of bad behavior and praise it. At the first hint of an infraction, repeat the prompt. "What do you need to be doing right now?" If these fail, calmly go to your chosen consequence. "You know the rule. We're leaving the store now. I'm hopeful that next time you'll make a different choice."

4. Set rules together. Set a time to talk, frame the problem, and encourage input on aspects where you can be flexible. Then, state the rule that you've agreed to.

From Zero to Five: 70 Essential Parenting Tips Based on Science (and What I"ve Learned So Far) by Tracy Cutchlow